Yesterday, a 12 year old boy Elliot Fletcher was stabbed to death in the school toilets of St. Patrick's College, a prestigious boys school in Brisbane. A 13 year old boy who stabbed him ran away, bleeding from a self-inflicted wound to the neck. Paramedics tried desperately to save him but he later died in hospital. Rumour has it that the perpetrator was a victim of bullying and he brought the knife to frighten his tormentors and last night he was charged with murder.
What is a poor parent to do when their son/daughter is bullied at school? As far as I can see, there are only two alternatives, the kid accepts his/her fate and tries to keep out of their way or they stand up to them. Yeah, right. How can you turn a mild-mannered, gentle-natured kid into some sort of fighting machine, you shouldn't even try. You can't expect the teachers to know what's going on every minute of the day, they all look like little angels in the classroom. Somehow they have to hand over the responsibily to kids in every grade to alert teachers when they spot a problem. I think the kids are well aware of who's being bullied and by whom.
There's a forum I belong to that thrives on bullying and when people get really nasty, that's when everyone jumps on to see what happens. I read an article yesterday about an Aussie journalist who said he turned into a monster on an ononymous forum, and when he stood back and looked at how aggressive he'd become, he was appalled. Was he a school bully I wonder, probably yes. I know a middle-aged man who is a very successful bully, he's subtle about it but in the end he gets exactly what he wants and people around him are oblivious. The fact that he not only has a big personality but is also big in stature, helps his cause immensely. We've all come across the bully in the workplace and the most annoying thing is that they are usually very successful - when they walk into a room, everyone notices. He's funny and makes people laugh and his workmates ingratiate themselves to him which is sickening to watch but no one is game enough to do anything about it.
So bullies sail through life on the crest of a wave but if there's any justice in the world, someone some day with stand up to them, highly unlikely but probable. Rewind 50 years in Australia when there were no knives and guns at school, the boys would fight it out with their bare knuckles. Now girls as well as boys are tearing eachother apart and after the death of Elliot Fletcher yesterday, schools in Australia will never be quite the same again.
Please don't write things in your blogs such as rumor has it etc. This is an extremely sad case and all forms of media need to be very careful what they say.
ReplyDeleteDo you know what it feels like to be bullied? Because this 12 yo is a bully, I think he should die. In fact his parents should die for being irresponsible. The other kids he bullied have suffered mental torture. Do you know what it feels like?? I wish the 13 yo all the best!!!
ReplyDeleteAll media should come out to report on WHY the 13 yo did the stabbing. It is important to know why. If the 12 yo is a bully, it should be made known to public. If not made known, you are protecting the bad guy and pointing fingers at the real victim.
ReplyDeleteI am very surprised no one even rebuke me or comment on what I said.
ReplyDeleteIf we do not tell the truth on what the reasons are, whether bullying or anything else, then we are hiding the truth like we are hiding the paedophile priests because we are protecting the church, etc. Then we will keep having such unfortunate death and unnecessary death in the future.
Unfortunately it is not just Australia, it will be happening in probably all countries around the world. Just 1 country takes the lead to expose & highlight the real reasons then other countries may follow suit and also take actions against bullies and exposing the truth about bullies.
Bullying in schools or the workplace is a complex matter and a simple matter. Complex in that motivations differ-fear, psychological problems, ambition. Complex in that it's hard to 'see' sometimes and when we see it we shrink from the perpetrator, capitulate, avoid, isolate ourselves or escape. It's simple in that we have but few choices: feel the fear and stand up for ourselves anyway, bust the behavior in a neutral manner, assert ourselves by pushing back, report to superiors/HR, etc. and find out if we can get help (or demand help), hire a coach or go to therapy, take meds.
ReplyDeleteThis school story is profoundly sad - two lives wasted because no one was paying attention to the situation and therefore not anticipating the logical outcome. Such a waste.
It's good that at least you are thinking and trying to solve the problem.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, I was discussing this with a friend. The friend discussed this bullying matter at length with me, showed me and pointed to me all the examples whether at work or at schools of the incidents of bullying or similar nasty behaviour.
ReplyDeleteAfter discussing for about close to 2 hours, my friend said, "Now can you see why I term it as A**hole Disorder by any other name?"