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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Late Night Jokes

"That's the big story, that Sarah Palin has stopped taking advice from McCain and is only looking out for herself. But does that surprise anyone here in Los Angeles? That happens all the time out here. An old guy pulls hot chick out of obscurity, buys her a lot of expensive clothes, introduces her to a lot of famous people. She gets bored with him and stabs him in the back. Moves on. Happens all the time." --Jay Leno

Sarah Palin told a crowd yesterday, when she campaigns, she doesn't wear her wedding ring because the shape of it hurts her finger when she's shaking a lot of hands. And Bill said to Hillary, 'See! I told you I wasn't making it up." --Jay Leno

In Pontiac, Michigan, five bodies and the cremated remains of 22 others have been evicted from a funeral home. Evicted! That's when you know the real estate market's bad, when you're dead and they still foreclose on you." --Jay Leno

According to the U.S. Department of Transportation, Americans drove 15 billion fewer miles in August than they did the year before. To which President Bush said, 'See, that's one of the advantages of not having a job to go to.'" --Jay Leno

Are you all getting ready for Halloween? The good news is, with the economy so bad, people don't have to work as hard to make their houses look scary. The lights are out, the windows are boarded up, the lawns not cut. Everyday is Halloween in America now." --Jay Leno