Sir Elton John was upset when Italian designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana said that babies born through IVF are 'synthetic.' His two sons were both conceived with the help of a surrogate and artificial insemination.
But Sir Elton must realize that not everyone is in favour of gay couples adopting children and American Heather Barwick who was raised by lesbians explains why. Her mother left her father when she was two years old and moved in with a women she fell in love with. She writes:
I’m writing to you because I’m letting myself out of the closet: I don’t support gay marriage. But it might not be for the reasons that you think. It’s not because you’re gay. I love you, so much. It’s because of the nature of the same-sex relationship itself. Same-sex marriage and parenting withholds either a mother or father from a child while telling him or her that it doesn’t matter. That it’s all the same. But it’s not.
A lot of us, a lot of your kids, are hurting. My father’s absence created a huge hole in me, and I ached every day for a dad. I loved my mum’s partner, but another mum could never have replaced the father I lost. Growing up, and even into my 20s, I supported and advocated for gay marriage. It’s only with some time and distance from my childhood that I’m able to reflect on my experiences and recognise the long-term consequences that same-sex parenting had on me. It’s only now, as I watch my children loving and being loved by their father each day, that I can see the beauty and wisdom in traditional marriage and parenting. I’m not gay, but the relationship that was modelled before me was a woman loving a woman. So I’ve struggled as an adult figuring out how to be in a relationship with my husband. It really wasn’t until I came to Christ that I felt that burden lifted off of me. And I’m not bitter. I’m not angry, I forgive my dad.
Designer Domenico Dolce (right) with business partner Stefano Gabbana (
Barwick then pleads with the gay community not to misinterpret her opposition to gay parenting as homophobia.
This isn’t about hate at all. I know you understand the pain of a label that doesn’t fit and the pain of a label that is used to malign or silence you. And I know that you really have been hated and that you really have been hurt. I was there, at the marches, when they held up signs that said, “God hates fags” and “AIDS cures homosexuality.” I cried and turned hot with anger right there in the street with you. But that’s not me. I know this is a hard conversation but we need to talk about it. If anyone can talk about hard things, it’s us. You taught me that.
Six other children raised by same sex couples have penned a letter to Dolce and Gabbana, supporting their comments.
We want to thank you for giving voice to something that we learned by experience: Every human being has a mother and a father, and to cut either from a child’s life is to rob the child of dignity, humanity, and equality,” the six of them wrote. “You have given us great inspiration as all six of us prepare to submit letters to the US Supreme Court against gay marriage.